I Can't Even Think Straight
α’αααΈααααα βα’αα‘α·α ααααΌαα·αααα
Kai knows who he is to others: The good grandson, the reliable best friend, the romantic backup. But he doesnβt quite know who he is to himself.
Kai wants to come out at school, but his best friend there, Matt, stays closeted for fear of getting kicked out by his conservative parentsβand wants Kai to do the same. Kai unhappily agrees, but when a rumor goes around that Kai and Matt are dating, Matt starts acting differently anyway.
Kaiβs other best friend, Vass, is proudly nonbinary and thinks Matt is a negative influenceβthough maybe thatβs just their crush on Kai talking. Kai has always turned to writing to express his emotions, but when his on-page emotions erupt into the real world, he might just be putting the delicate balance of his life at risk.
Told with Dean Attaβs signature lyricism and candor, this deeply feeling story explores the complexities of crushes, navigating identity, and coming out.
ααΆαααΆααααααΆα αα·αααα·ααΆαααααα
α’αααΈβα’ααααα·αααα
Dean Attaβs poems deal with themes of race, gender, and identity. He regularly performs across the UK and internationally, and his work has been shortlisted for the Polari First Book Prize and has appeared on MTV and BET. The Black Flamingo, his debut YA novel, won the Stonewall Award. He is also the author of Only on the Weekends. You can find him online at deanatta.com.
