Summary of It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist with over two decades of experience, guides readers through recognizing and understanding the patterns of narcissistic behavior. She explains how these individuals manipulate, invalidate, and hijack your emotional wellbeing, and provides the tools to protect yourself from ongoing harm.

The book offers practical strategies for breaking free from trauma bonds, resisting gaslighting, grieving emotional losses, and setting realistic boundaries. It also teaches the critical skill of discernment and helps you rebuild autonomy, self-respect, and a strong sense of identity after enduring prolonged manipulation.

It’s Not You is both compassionate and empowering, showing that healing is possible. The first step is accepting that you cannot change the narcissist, that their behavior is not your responsibility, and that your focus must shift to nurturing your own autonomy, wellbeing, and personal growth.